ok tell me I'm weird

{prescript: thanks for the helpful comments on the advert! i'll take em into account for the next project. It looks better actual size, by the way... the fonts got distorted when i posted it here. oh and credit due to dawny and chengyee - thanks for the suggestions and all =) ok back to the topic:}

during bible study today pastor said that no one likes to be gloomy and sad. yup call me a weirdo but i actually disagree. of course, when we're sad we always try to get out of it - that's just natural. but i think i'd hate to be in a constant state of happiness...

it's in sadness and weakness that i truly introvert (verb!), like dive into my heart and think - think about what's making me sad, about how i feel - and as an introvert (noun!) i can tell you that living on the inside feels so much richer than on the outside :)

also gloom and sadness brings tears. tears are powerful, i tell you. i don't think anything wrenches my heart more than a tearing face. tears flowing freely are a release, an opening of the storeroom of burden, an acknowledgement that our hearts are just too small to hold so much pain. tears embody the process of giving up burdens.

and as the lamp takes an eternal moment to wink out i feel a sudden welling joy, a joy that speaks in a silent, deep baritone, alone again, dear heart, alone again. free from hiding in the inner darkness as i play the game of life, now once more surrounded by gloom i introvert. and slowly i meander the byways of my heart and search. and find. objects to mull upon, ideas that grow, hopes and fears that blossom in the twilight between waking and dream. and the stream of semiconsciousness simply flows. some of them are just too big, my friend. get a new wineskin, get a new wineskin. and overflows in pulsing crystal currents that shimmer in the glow of the darkness. i cry, but i cry dreams and visions, i cry memory and sorrow, i cry stories and hopes, i cry darkness and gloom. and slowly, slowly, the sun rises once more. the pillow is wet, dear heart, the pillow is wet.

{postscript: ok, enough for now. much peace to switch off my lamp for the night, and close my eyes in the dark. goodnight guys.}