The Gnome Meets the Fae

"Words are just little shining wisps that flow like maidens through the air, son, and like maidens they may destroy you or put you back on your path or simply vanish, never to be seen again. You may choose to welcome the maidens, or you may shun them: but choose quickly, for she is leaving," said the old gnome.

Fizzlespizzle rubbed his nose and shuddered: the past few days he had been forced to make so many difficult decisions so often. Little Fizzle the miner, caught up in such complicated things, he thought to himself as he realized he did not even know the name of the gnome.

"Well?" The gnome in question was clearly getting impatient.

Fizzlespizzle picked himself up and wiped some mud off his breeches. He looked around the cave one last time. It was a damp, dark place: the walls of the old untended tunnels had too few torches, he thought to himself, making a mental note to suggest some improvements to the head miner. If that scary fae-thing ever lets me out alive, that is, he sulked as he walked towards the green door.

"That's the way, son. Don't fret, I doubt she'll eat you. And yes, she's a she, mind you."

A Fiery Start

“Little gnome, little gnome, don’t cry. It’s over now, it’s all over.”

Fizzlespizzle flinched as the soldier put a calloused hand on his shoulder. Was it over, the gnome thought to himself as he blew his nose, or was it only beginning? The soldier gazed sympathetically, as if knowing that it really was the latter.

Fizzlespizzle looked up after rubbing his nose once more for good measure to see the princess picking her way through the remains of the carriage. She really was beautiful, he thought. The gnome remembered that fateful day when she summoned him from his old life of mining the depths of their city, into this world of danger. The soldier, following his gaze, mumbled, “to think it was him all along.”

“M’lady, please, you may burn yourself,” cried a soldier as the princess crumbled on the charred remains, but he was ignored. Fizzlespizzle looked on as the princess clutched her lover’s burnt and shot body, as if daring the winds and the rains to pry it from her grip.

Meanwhile the fae, her wrists bound once again behind her back and guarded in the corner of the clearing by two soldiers, gazed at the scene with the patience of one who knows too much and has lived too long. She knew that this was only the beginning of their journey to the dark city.

big nosed

"hmmm," said Fizzlespizzle the Gnome.

dream-maker...

I've always wanted to write a book. Two books, actually. One fiction and one non-fiction. They've been running around in my consciousness, playing games with my mind and all that jazz.

I think dreams are really amazing things. We human beings can sit in our corners and wonder about the future. We build little castles in our heads, intricate masterpieces that may very well get swept away by the next wave. But that's what keeps us going, right? I wrote an essay once on creativity and humanity, my main conclusion being that creativity is what ensures our humanity.

Little dreams playing in my head.

The Tears that Fell

There is a lady in the flickering light of the rose-tinted ballroom. Her name is The Tears that Fell. Watch her dance, lover, as the rain-soaked winds stroke like the master of an oiled viola the misty window panes revealing the night. And watch her dance, enthralled, and listen.

There is music streaming from the old gramophone on the musky wooden drawers. The old player sings of remembrance and half-forgotten years; old joys and sorrows; and loves that were lost, but treasured. You almost hear yourself singing its haunting strains as you lean against the creaking wall of the ballroom, a tear slowly forming. As your eyes well up the light forms rainbows in your eyes.

There is a beam of the moon on the rose of the floor. Today as if enthralled, too, the moon turns its old face and watches with the intensity of one torn and lost; watch with him. The silhouette of the lady sighs as each time it passes the touch of the sun's companion, as if meeting a lover once again, and in each stutter of breath from the naked bulb of light we see the grace of silk; a sublime flow. Watch.

There is a light in the eyes of the lady of the ballroom. It catches each beam, pinpoint and flicker, and shatters it to rainbow fragments like a diamond on a forgotten ring. Remember, lover, and watch. As the music lifts her like a dove on the winds she glides, rises, swirls, each step a tribute to a memory; and a flame. You feel a burning in that broken soul, you feel a pain in that tearing heart; watch as each tear sparkles.

finally, pictures! touristy stuff 2

to continue from my last post...


candice and i finally got to see one of beijing's famous "hutongs", or alleyways, that are disappearing slowly to give way to modernisation. we stumbled on this one in the center of beijing while searching for a tourist attraction called the "underground city".

this hutong was basically a little neighbourhood of small crumbling houses that has been blocked from view by a large perimeter wall. people there lead simple lives: we saw a family playing badminton, a lady selling fruit, and many other people sitting around, a stark contrast to fast-paced modern beijing.


we found that the "underground city" tourist attraction had been closed because it was unsafe (the picture above is the entrance). but it was really nice to walk down the hutong talking to people and taking videos. it's like i'm storing the last memories of a place that may disappear very soon.


next we took a walk to the temple of heaven! the place is actually a collection of temples surrounded by a very large park where locals love to hang out. approaching the complex, you begin to see kites flying very high up in the air. there were a bunch of old men playing chinese instruments at the main gate, and man were they good! the audience (mainly local) looked totally enthralled.

going further into the gate you can see middle-aged ladies playing chantek (they are VERY good) and various other people walking around happily. deeper in the park i heard strains of beautiful music from some chinese wind instrument, and saw an old man playing a flute-like thing with two friends watching over. the whole place is like a totally different world.


we didn't get to enter to temples themselves because they were closed, but we walked down a large open-air corridor that linked two of the temples. it was gorgeous! there were many locals there lying down on picnic mats, or flying kites, or just walking around. we even got a mini kite-making lesson from a middle-aged lady who was flying a lizard-shaped kite (basically, "it's hard to get the shape of the kite right"). i've never seen such amazing kites. they come in all shapes and colours, and people here fly them so high you wonder how many kg of rope they brought.

i think for all the impression of rushing and money-making china can give, many people here are still contented and peaceful. their philosophy seems to be to take the modernisation in stride and enjoy the little things. maybe singaporeans should learn from them.

China experience: day 60 of 70

finally, pictures! touristy stuff 1

So with two weeks left on our china experience, Candice and I decided to spend last weekend doing touristy stuff!


First up, the best Beijing duck restaurant in China! They sound a gong and roll out your duck when it's ready, and they roast it in such a way that all that's left is juicy fleshy and thick crispy skin. Not to mention all the stuff they give you to wrap the duck with. Shiok.

on saturday we visited tiananmen square and the forbidden city for real! i was totally awed by the forbidden city. firstly it's HUGE. you can walk and walk and walk through various gigantic gates and still be at the fringes of the place. they mean it when they call it a city; there are several whole palaces built inside the place.

and secondly it's like a totally different world: there are 800+ rooms, many of them full of ancient treasure, surrounding courtyards or orchards or flower patches. and many rooms have been repainted to look as close to the original as possible. really amazing stuff.

the next day we visited langfang! the scale of the university project there is huge. it's something like ten times the size of NUS. and the large amount of greenery and wide roads remind you of singapore :D

ok that's all for now! i'll write about beijing's "hutongs" and the temple of heaven another day :) night night!

China experience: day 59 of 70

Sine Qua Non

Without which nothing.

There are things in each of our lives, without which our lives have no value. To you, it could be as simple as the friends you have made over the decades, or as complex as the company you spent your whole life building. These are the things we identify with and define ourselves by; these are the things we measure our lives by and therefore the things that make life worth living.

We tend to grasp on to something, perhaps anything, that keep us alive. An old, friendless lady who finds some small sorrow-tinged joy as she watches the sun set from the porch of her nursing home, or a young teenager who slits her wrist to get attention, and, she hopes, concern: we search for things that matter to us, and like proverbial straws they are sometimes too insubstantial to lift us; but we still try.

My condicio has always been close friends and memories. These are the things that define me, because my close friends are the people I am walking through life with today, and the past is how I came to be here. I still have the full set of journals I ever wrote, from the time I was six, and almost all the photos, digital or otherwise that have ever mattered to me.

What is your condicio? Do you know why you are something? Dubito ergo cogito ergo sum, but existence is not value. If you value yourself, you will treasure, and maybe even fight to be, yourself. That is what makes us human beings; it is why we live in houses, wear clothes, have quarrels, worship, get married, and go to funerals. It is why some people can say that yes, life has meaning.

Condicio sine qua non: a condition, wihout which there is nothing. Do you have one?

hello world

yup, i haven't blogged in a while. been working on a few things here in beijing during my free time from work, including a wikipedia article about my dad! i'm quite proud of it (just google my dad's name) but i've been hard pressed getting secondary sources to prove that the article is worthy of inclusion in wikipedia... well, that's all i wanna say now. gonna fry or microwave some chicken i bought, then shower, then fetch candice back from the gym. goodnight, world.

China experience: day 40-something out of 70

marble arch

listening to "hallelujah" bu rufus wainwright.

it's an amazing song; so many meanings to it. it's one of those songs that can either make you feel like holding your head high, or feel like crying.

reading in beijing

my two books from amazon.com have arrived!! a terry pratchett book and a mathematics book :) shows how varied my reading interests are huh?

they don't believe in learning on the job

so there are now three interns in my team. one of them is new (she only came in last week), and there's a beijing resident who's an undergrad from a canaian uni who's been here 6 weeks, and then there's myself, who's been here 5.

they're sending us for a 3-day training next week. like... what? they're sending me for training, after which i'll only have 3 weeks left with the company? it's hilarious :) big waste of their resources...

:)

China experience: day 37 of 70

both sides now, again

i just watched the "love, actually" scene where the president's wife just finds out that her husband was cheating on her. really really love the whole scene. it's like, "here i am, this innocent, sweet, kind housemaker, who never suspected my spouse of doing anything like this behind my back. and yet..."

cracking into mars

i've been following the phoenix mission on mars, and read a funny line from one of the news websites:

"After trying to crack further into it, the arm became immobilized, which is the expected programmed reaction for when it hits a hard surface."

:)

god and science

i've always felt that given enough time, physics will one day show itself to be linked to christianity. it's a sneaking suspicion that has shaped a lot of my personal decisions.

i've known since very early on that there is definitely something beyond the material world. i've seen far too much - from the possibly mundane, like events too coincidental to be true, to the possibly explainable, like prophets who literally saw into my life, to the shocking, like demonic manifestations.

all the evidence i've seen has kept me stuck to christianity because it is the only supernatural belief system that is, as far as i know, coherent and makes sense within itself. that's just my opinion... but opinions are the basis of faith.

but while i believe strongly in the supernatural, i also have a great interest in the natural world, especially physics. to me, physics is the most fundamental of the sciences because it explores the smallest (photons and such), the largest (the universe as a whole), the earliest (the birth of time), and the latest (the end of the universe). and all the study is guided by scientific principles, where theories and laws are built on concrete proof and experiment.

many people feel that god and science cannot be reconciled. i understand that view. it's easy to notice that so far, god has not "appeared" out of the equations, not to mention the fact that biology as we know it does not require a divine being. but if you ask me, i'm completely fine with the fact that physics has not proven god exists even though some think we are extremely close to a complete understanding of the universe.

no one said that science has to "prove" god! i don't believe that god is so messy that he would interfere with the universe, change stuff around, or put the phrase "BELIEVE IN ME" in some equation, just to prove to us humans that he is real. i believe that god is not someone who needs to prove himself. he told us in the bible, why show miracles? why give a sign?

i believe that by the mere nature of science and the laws he created for our universe, god has already revealed himself. one of the most "miraculous" things about physics, to me, is that it is even understand, and that it is neat (or elegant). when you see that the fundamental particles in the universe can be categorized into neat groups that are related with equally-neat mathematical equations, you wonder why, ask yourself is there more to discover, and wonder what the big picture is.

our understanding of the universe is now that of a few understandable and implausibly elegant theories. each theory explains a large range of observation. for example one simple equation (the einstein equation - not e=mc2, the other one) governs gravity, the expansion of the universe, and etc.

one great thing about physics is that the theories can be unified. in other words, as scientists get better at understanding the world, they often realize that the equations of 2 or 3 or 4 theories are actually the same thing, expressed differently in different circumstances. so physicists are slowly cutting down the number of theories.

today, we are left with two basic theories that no one has managed to combine - general relativity (governs the very big) and quantum theory (governs the very small), and scientists believe that we are very closely to coming up with one single theory that explains everything in the universe.

what does this have to do with god? why does it matter since science is already showing god? it matters because physics categorises our understanding of nature. with a final theory, we shall find out how the universe as a whole is organized, maybe even how the universe began. with that, we shall see the hand the made the initial push to begin the universe, and we shall see a complete picture of the heart and mind that went into creation.

so if physics is allowed to advance far enough, we will see the hand, heart and mind of god. yes, it is possible for me to return to a path towards physics research. it may be a difficult journey should i leave the beaten road and head down that path, but i'm keeping that option open. *wink*

orange thing + about work

there's a budak pantai song playing in my head... fann's song. i've always wondered why they called it that. anyway...

i have the spore creature creator! it lets you create almost any creature you can imagine. start with a spine, add limbs and parts, paint the thing. it's serious fun, although i might get bored of the concept soon heh. that thing below is one of the first things i made :)



work has been getting more interesting. i suppose the team trusts me more, so they've been giving me more to do. for instance, i now know how to use the company printers, fax machines, photocopiers and scanners! and scanning is really fun hurhur. oh and of course i've also been doing the standard stuff like checking figures, tallying reports and so on :)

and there's a new intern in my team, which makes 3 of us. quite funny cos when the team heard that there was a female intern coming, the ladies got pretty excited for the guys in the team...

anyway, time to sleep. miss you all!

China experience: day 32 (i think) of 70

flying without wings

i suddenly thought of the phrase. was it from a song?

and i'm suddenly wondering about myself. i think i'm a strange person. i like seeing new places, but i miss home a lot. i like being with people, but i don't like crowds. i like familiar situations, but..... whatever.

thinking about that beach again... will be nice if i dream of it. goodnight...

a little fall of rain

spore!

ok i've been itching to get spore. what's spore? if you haven't heard of it you must be uninterested in astronomy, cosmology, and strategy games :)

imagine a function 3-D model of a whole galaxy, complete with stars, black holes, nebulae, planets and quasars, right in your desktop, and being able to explore every one of the 5 million solar systems modeled in the galaxy. and throw in the ability to create content, all the way from microscopic bugs to creatures to buildings to spaceships. and imagine that millions' of people's creations are all stored on a central server ready to the downloaded into your galaxy, for you the explore.

to me, that's not a game. that's a tool for teaching creativity, astronomy, cosmology, biology, and well the list goes on.

so if you play the game some day, and see a herd of bright orange, big-bellied, button-nosed creatures in the distance, give them a hug and check out their orange houses.

for the love of...

love music.

fields of gold, tears in heaven, glasgow love theme, both sides now, try a little tenderness.

songs that can make you think and cry and smile all at the same time.

i'm smiling now :)

where i am now

i like photos. they remind me of the journey i took to reach wherever i am now.

when i was 13 or 14 i put together an album of my most precious photos. they're still in my room somewhere, way back in singapore. this may sound weird, but that album told a 6-year-long story of my journey with my first crush through my first church.

i think i'm one of those emo people who care a million times more about relationships than career success or studies. when i look back on my short little life i think about people precious to me - my dear family and all the ups and downs we went through together, all my childhood and "teenhood" crushes that gave me the whole spectrum of emotions from hope to frustration to love and to regret, my crazy army buddies and all we went through together, and the dear friends i have walked with - the people i cried to, jumped for joy with, sang with, comforted, fell in love with, walked down the beach with, watched movies with, offered an ear to, and grew up with.

there's something lovely about seeing your life as a collection of relationships. it makes looking back like reliving every moment with each friend. but memory is like a double-edged sword because the joys are tinged with the sorrows.

not that i mind, because to have lived through a sorrow with a previous friend is better than not having had that friend at all.

i feel like i live in emotions sometimes. as if in everything i do i try affirms that i am a living, breathing human with the whole spectrum of feeling. an inexplicable joy in sorrows - filling your heart with tears knowing that they will one day rush out like a waterfall. and perhaps the sun will be up to cast a rainbow while the tears are at it.

today some of my most precious photos today were those taken at east coast with my greatest friends. it was along that beach that we walked through, together, some of the most down periods in our lives, and some of the greatest joys.

so here i am now. a people-loving bag of emotions trying to walk through the unfamiliar path of corporations and office life. it's a difficult journey in which everyday i feel more convinced that corporation-life not the future i want for myself.

you know the song "fields of gold"? really love it

China experience: day 23 of 70

wide open spaces and moisturizer

ok thought i'd put photos here tonight since it's been a little while since i last blogged :)



i had a nice walk down wangfujing some time last week. i like walking down wide open spaces - especially when it's breezey - and especially when the place is quirky haha



there's the foreign language bookstore. it has a small but nice selection of books. and it's a bit surreal to see beginner's spanish lessons... in chinese. and in the last 10mins of closing time, a really loud voice blasts on quick repeat that they're closing soon. quirky stuff. and i'm tempted to buy their whole collection of Dune... heh...



starfish, millipedes, pupa. not to mention other more gross stuff not in the picture. the funny part is watching the stall owners yell to caucasians that yes, they do have _________ (insert gross object) meat here!!!!!!



and for the first time in my life i'm taking moisturizer seriously...

China experience: day 23 of 70

poor neon things

i am running out of colourful neon post-its. bah. and they're supposed to be unavailable in this country.

in other words, probably ONLY bunch of colourful neon post-its in this country is about to be depleted. *grumbles*

and why won't photobucket work here? *double grumbles*

China experience: day {{man how may days has it been...}} of 70

a thought in the food court and korean dramas

today i noticed the sounds of the food court over lunch. it was a bustling, busy sound of hundreds of people talking, walking, eating... i got lost in it for a while, like a droplet falling into water. for a moment i felt that it would be so easy to lose myself in the hustle and bustle, so blend with the crowd, to merge into the scenery.

in fact, it's so easy to become the background, to detach myself from things and people and watch the ups and downs with the attitude that it no longer matters to me. but somehow i don't. somehow i'm here, in the midst, the one living this life, the one feeling the emotions, the once acting out the drama.

i am Prospero, needing to find strength. i am Dream, crafting my own death and denying that i am. i am Arwen, making the mortal decision. i am Death, learning about people as my apprentice ends the world. somehow we remain the protagonists of our little comedies and tragedies - ones usually made for an audience of one.

our lives really are like korean dramas. we can walk off the stage or stray from the plot anytime, but we choose to stay, acting out our little defeats and joys and victories and sorrows. perhaps this willingness to engage our emotions is what makes us human - things that laugh, cry, share, love, and hold.

bargaining and gnomes

ok so last weekend we visited Ya Show, a place supposedly famous for being a bargain haven :) i was very pleasantly surprised that it was not as crowded, noisy and stuffy as i thought it would be. in fact it was actually fun to walk around watching people bargain :)

i think i'll be a terrible bargainer... i mean these people really play with emotions. now i'm not someone who falls for the "please not so low, i need to make a profit" rubbish, but i get very affected when shop owners act hurt or angry. like omg is she *really* angry?? i better just buy it and be done with it!! haha...

and anyway i had a nice time at the place thinking of a game-theoretic approach to bargaining... maybe i'll write a book on it one day haha... and it can be my PhD thesis... The Art of Bargaining: A Game-Theoretic Approach to Making Profits by S.T. hahaha...

and in my free time i've been having a nice time fleshing out my long long "gnome" story. the (very long) history is done and, of course, full of the obligatory inconsistencies and logical fallacies of an initial draft :D i'm also been trying to write a portion of the story in dactylic hexameter (the meter of poetry used in the ancient greek epics)

pictures another time cos i'm at work now :)

China experience: day 17 of 70.

A Song on the Plain

Close your eyes and find your rest in the long refrain of the heartbroken piper and listen: as each haunting note caresses your fragile, sobbing heart like petals falling on a still, clear lake, each one hurrying ripples of change across the still waters, night falls.

Walk down the plain like a clothes-tattered vagabond as the teardrops of heaven begin cold, tentative kisses. Ones soft, others blinding, as from lovers and loves, within and without, the brush of lips removed from their meaning on your cold, trembling skin. Through leaden-step wandering and silken-hand grasps, find solace.

Shiver and hide from the winds of the plain that cut: now as a butcher, then with his knife, to your heart of hearts. Pull that comforting, worn, rain-soaked cloak around like a shield. A familiar barricade of burdensome armor from the world, its wetness clings like a lover; retreat.

Search for the song in the depths of your soul: one note and a hum and a minor-key strain, and close once again those red-tearful eyes. Now dance: so slowly in the secret ballroom of your innermost nights with a dream-partner lady so close, so tight, and smile: through tears and fears and bone-chilling cold, there was peace.

the language barrier and sizzler's

after talking to other interns today, i think the language barrier is not so much that my chinese is lousy, but that i happen to be placed in a department that uses chinese exclusively, including esoteric finance and accounting terms. there are other interns who are doing things involving english, which would be a lot easier for any SMU student...

anyway, on a happier note, we went to sizzler's with some of the other beijing interns!



and i really think i should have ordered the chicken...

China experience: day 13 of 70

thicker names and funny stuff

i've had the chance to look at a lot of names today cos i've been doing a lot of calling... and the english names are really hilarious. there's a lady called Conan (as in conan the barbarian), a really thin lady called Thicker, and someone else called Duckey. really funny. :)

also had a very funny experience today... that callig i'm doing is to get people to sign a declaration of interest form. this includes people from other teams. it may have been my pronounciation or something, but one guy from another team thought i meant that he was being drafted into this team, so he apparently rushed like crazy from the hospital to settle the matter. had a hilarious moment trying to explain to him that yes, you're only here to sign the form and blah blah

:)

China experience: day 12 of 70

one week in beijing...

so the first week has passed and i'm still alive :) i've been trying to upload photos but it's horrendously slow, so i only have a few so far...

ok my first impression on arrival was... WOW. beijing's airport is amazing. imagine singapore's terminal 3, just much, much larger. so large that you need to take a train to the baggage collection.



and the city and people are very nice. the city is sprawling, and in a nice way :) it's very spacious and the architecture is really eye-catching. i came expecting something like manhattan, but it turned out to be a lot more pretty.

the people are very nice too! a lot more courteous than the average singaporean. i mean, people actually give way on trains haha... and i think people are a lot more relaxed. even in the office areas you see people strolling along casually and not rushing everywhere...




candice's dad has been bringing us out for dinner :) we've been frequenting this place that's famous for xiao long baos! super nice lah! they are super juicy and the skin *never* breaks when you pick it up. they even have red bean xiao long bao :):):) and many places have this amazing ice kachang dessert that's super super super tall and covered with red or green beans or grass jelly :D




there's this mall near our place that we explored today... they two important things: groceries, and ice cream. hehe




as for work... work has been extremely "exciting" in that it has ranged from utter, total, mind-numbing boredom (i think they had trouble finding work for me to do since my chinese isn't too good), to having so much work to do that they want me to work OT!

i'm now working with a small team that handles IPOs. have been doing random tasks like printing (lol...), and also helping to correct the english for the report their working on. it's been challenging because beijing residents don't have good english at all, and the chinese language doesn't have some features of english - like different ways of righting the plural and the singular. and this team is really hardworking. apparently they work OT every night till 11-12 all year round... the only reason the manager is ok with me not doing OT is that i'm an intern heh



to end off... two funny things happened to me today :D

first, i learned for the first time in my life that whole saba is served without the fish being gutted. it was an utterly gross experience. i was so stunned that candice thought something was wrong with me.



second, it was really dim at the swimming pool so i mistook a little tunisian girl for candice while i was relaxing in the corner, and waved at her. apparently i gave her a fright. so when i finally found candice (who was happily splashing me with water), that girl said something like "i can do better!" and suddenly splashed a tsunami in my face.

so my day more or less ended with a little tunisian girl making it rain on my face, and candice laughing in the corner...

and did i mention that the swimming pool is gorgeous?



okie that's all folks :)

China experience: day 7 of 70

on corporations

today after work I was thinking that it takes a certain personality to make someone do well in a corporation. he either has to be extremely driven by career success (to rise to the top), or extreme thick-skinned (to endure being at the bottom). i realize to not much personal surprise that i am neither! haha...

anyway, after 3 days of utter boredom, my situation has suddenly turned 180 degrees. i'm now in a team that is SO busy that i had to "explain" to my manager why i couldn't work OT tonight. and apparently that team works OT till 11-12midnight, every night! very scary stuff.

i plan to tell the manager that i won't stay OT at all because i don't want the money and because i think employees should not be penalized for the company's inability to hire sufficient employees. shall see how that explaining goes.

no, no, no, i definitely do not intend to work till 12 midnight every night for 2.5 months. seriously.

okie that's all! :) and yes i WILL upload photos soon haha

China experience: day 5 of 70

in beijing!

Day 2 of my China experience!

Ok first impression was "wow". Everything here is spacious and artistic, from the huge and beautiful airport, to the widely-spaced and very creative architecture in the city. It's really very pretty. It's like there's alot of nature and breathing space, and at the same time pretty sights and interesting places. Something like the direct opposite of my impression of Manhattan :)

My first 2 hours at EY have been an eye-opener for me because I've never worked in a corporation, much less a Chinese corporation.

There were a total of 5 interns starting work today. 2 from Beijing, 1 from Hong Kong and 2 from Singapore (guess who!). After a cute little introduction session they brought us to our individual departments and gave us like stationery bags, laptops, lockers, etc. I'm working in a different place from the other interns but it's not too bad cos the managers here are very, very nice.

Oh and some things about corporate offices surprised me... they have lockers! haha so interesting! And all the rank-and-file workers sit in long rows on the office floor, mainly staring at their computer screens. Interesting... I expected more friendly chatter. I mean, how come people don't even talk to the person their facing? haha...

And yes the language barrier is making things... "interesting". :) I told my manager that I can't speak or write Chinese well, so apparently their still deciding what work to give me haha! I suspect I'll end up doing something mathematical (like tallying figures up), or be asked to deal with english-speaking clients.

Okie that's all for now! I'm still a bit worried about what the work will be like, but it's almost totally mitigated by the fact that the managers and nice and approachable. Photos another time :)

Beijing experience: day 2 of 70.

i remember...

a friend told me recently that there's really no reason to feel sad about old friends that i've lost contact with, because it's the friends who are with you right now that really matter. true stuff.

even though i only had 4 days in singapore before starting on the internship, i only met with two friends. kinda decided that i would spend the last day packing and enjoying time with myself in my room. :)

ok back to packing...

on following my heart and where i am now

And there they were: some of the people who have meant the most to me during the course of my little life, and I was walking away from them.

As I turned to say goodbye to my mom, sisters, nephew and niece, something told me to just stop, to drop everything and forget the rush for a moment, to take a picture of the scene: those four precious people at the end of a dim, tan-coloured corridor, watching me with unreadable expressions as I walked away after leaving the apartment.

I probably won't see any of them for 3 months, at least.

Suddenly my world seems a little less bright. There are now a few less people to share its joys, sorrows, loves, and despairs with; it matters less that there are golden lights on the sky and shimmers on the waves because there are a few less people here to enjoy them with me.

Yes, people have always meant the world to me; money, fame, or power have never, ever, come close to ruling my life as relationships have, and throughout this life I have made major decisions using my heart - an organ soft and often-irrational, but also ruled by a certain surety in what I know I want.

I was following my heart when I made my choice of secondary school ten years ago; I was following my heart when I began chasing my Physics dream four years ago; and I was following my heart when I diverted my attention to Accontancy two years ago.

But nevertheless, there I was: turning my back on those precious loved ones to pursue an internship that has worried me for so long. How did I, of all the heart-driven people in the world, end up here?

Perhaps in choosing Accountancy I placed myself in a world I did not fit into - a world where happiness is defined by profits and long hours, a world in which time for loved ones is easily sidelined for a profitable career. At best this world is populated by people who simply love the corporate workplace, at worst it is populated by people who do have forgotten the meaning of relationship. I feel like a little sailboat caught in a storm. I can steer my course with all my heart and soul, making every rudder-movement and sail-pull count, but the current and the winds mean that my heart and soul act in vain.

So here I am. A corridor where every step I inevitably take leads me away from where my heart resides, a place where walls close in on me and the light is too dim for the comfort of predictability. No, with the emphatic voice of one quoting wisdom, I will not die where my heart does not lie.

So, yes, I am here, but before I close I think I shall add: that I am doing something about it. And while this may not be a wind of change, I do remember what they said about the butterfly's wings.

- wrote most of the on the plane on the way home from the states... :)

flying off...

so i'll be in the US on 2-14 May to see my sisters, then in China on 18 May - 25 July for internship...

3 months away from home is a long time. i normally like travelling because it's always great to see new places with friends or family, but I also have a history of not enjoying myself at all in new workplaces. I really hope I don't spend the 10 weeks in China counting down the days till I leave.

Oh well, we'll see :)

hello once again + me as an INFJ

hello various people who still read my blog (even though i haven't posted in a while)... realized i don't know who reads this haha... i seem to have friends reading my blog from like malaysia, canada, etc, but i can't think of any friends who are in some of those countries... quite interesting :) maybe i need like one of those shoutboxes where people can say hi...

anyway, decided to write here more to keep in touch with my various (thus far invisible) friends :)

so i've been thinking about my MBTI personality type recently. INFJ. supposed to be a rare breed (like 1% of americans!). it's very uncanny how every single description of the INFJ type describes me to extreme precision. i've recently joined and INFJ group on facebook, and it's very cool how so many people there have experiences that mirror my own to the dot.

i think one major trait of INFJ people is that we feel we are very deep people, because we deal with the world almost 100% internally. We draw energy from within, understand the world based on internal intuition and impression, and prefer to make decisions with consideration of people's emotions as opposed to pure logic. it's a very interesting combination because we end up as people who love to be alone or in a quiet place, but at the same time need to have our emotional needs fulfilled.

this is why so many INFJs (like me!) prefer a small group of really close friends as opposed to many many many acquaintances.

yeah :) so sam = emotional recluse.... heh...

:)

solo saxophone

been digging up old songs from my music folder recently (now that i've installed itunes heh)...

there's just something about music. it stirs up all kinds of emotions and dreams - it's as if it transports you to a whole different time or world or life. it stirs in you old memories and forgotten dreams, it gives you courage to do the craziest things. something about music goes to the heart of everything that makes us living, breathing, dreaming, loving beings.

castles in the air. :)

Fly High Wind of Change

Fly high

Fly high

Fly high wind of change in
The halls of remembrance and cry, defy
The laws of the heavens, now surge, surge
High like a dove in the winds of the waters, find mine

Mine

Mine in the land of my heart o’er valley of
Darkness, darkness, now walk
And rise like the tide or the fear
In the land of diamonds, find

Sigh, a death

Your own in the valley, a wind
In his halls, no longer
Remembrance, fly

High

Fly high

Fly high wind of change