the "just let me be myself" feeling

started the day not wanting to meet anyone, wanting to hide from the world, and getting ridiculed by a friend. bleah.

The Memory of Things Past

There is a man on the hill in the light of the moon
His name is The Memory of Things Past.
His eyes shine like dancing lights on the surface of the deepest pool
You know him, friend
See his silhouette form.
Love him, dearest
Gaze.
Now the billowing shadow of his pathwork cloak snuffs out the moonlight glow
For a moment all you know is the dark

Memory's is a silent knowing, an inward sigh
A cloud that surrounds, crushes, pulses, clenches; a living fist that grips your heart with the strength of steel and tugs
Silently, persistently, gently
It persuades me but I do not think
It guides me but I am not free
It leads me but I am not led
Rip the curtain aside like a gloating murderer unveils his victim
Shine again comforting, forgiving, bright light, a shadow of the golden

Peace, reprieve, rest, but
Move, friend, move,
He stands on the highest point.
You once knew him;
Memory does not forget
The Man on a hill in the light is moving
Closer, friend

There is a story before your time of a friendship forged
On trust, love, bonds of memory and hope
Of two who would give anything for their love
Which would last forever past, forever future

The face of Memory betrays no emotion; it is a resolute gaze into the depths of the night
His eyes draw from the darkness around, like a child who receives uncountable presents,
Like a black whirlpool that pulls, pulls, and finally destroys
Friend! He moves...
Like a burdened soul the man is still on his hill, seated

Look down, friend, look beyond what you see;
See how far those who flee will fall
It is a cliff.
Memory's silhouette grasps the rubber tires
And pushes.

staring

I know... and yet, I don't...

Ever had the experience where there was something glaringly obvious staring at you, but you act as if you can't see it, or you tell youself it can't be true?

"It's time to face the truth." - those words played on my laptop speakers at the exact time I wrote the above paragraph.

Something's up, I think. :)

i'll rest and watch

zing after u told me that on msn i felt so frustrated cos i still didn't know what to do... but right that moment pprince said on the sermon cd: "all things are working together for my good.".

thanks for giving me that advice zing. made me see things as they are. i won't try... i'll rest and watch things fall into place.

friends aren't just there to make you happy... sometimes they help you put things into perspective, and it isn't always a pleasant thing. thanks.

floating along...

hmmm... keep getting the feeling that there has to be something more, something looming beyond what I have now. perhaps it's an anticipation, maybe a longing, or a forewarning, or... something. but there has to be something more - some new development about to arrive, something big. i'm not sure what it is.

i trust my instincts alot - i'm so used to seeing the big picture that i like to think that patterns and combinations of events i see around me sometimes give me a subconscious knowledge of where a situation is heading. i'm not sure if this instinct can be trusted fully now, but it doesn't matter.

i think i'm heading towards some big but possibly gradual changes. don't know what, but i'll just rest and float along.

just resting...

Ever had the feeling of anticipation, where you can see hints of something big appraoching? Of seeing too many coincidences for it all to be chance, so while a part of you is saying that it's an idle hope, there's also a part of you that's anticipating the very nice thing coming into your life that is slowly being uncovered?

I'll just rest...

CG outing! super full!

i'm so glad i joined the new crea cell group in smu! such a nice bunch of people... :)

steamboat dinner! and supper! i was so super full lah... and they were eating prawns like it was a personal mission to eradicate the restaurant's prawn supplies...





hmmm was going to say something about how one of my wishes for this year has been fulfilled, but i can't find the paper i wrote those wishes on so i shall leave it to another time heh

to treasure those that stay

So much has happened recently, and many of them are not-too-happy things... But like so many situations, it's really the people that matter, not the situation itself :)

Thank you, to those few of you who've been sharing with me and who've listened to my sharing... Things don't seem all smooth sailing in our lives now, but when things slowly settle, I'll remember that you were there for me, and I'll smile knowing that I was there for you (or tried to be :D )

Reminds me of something I told a friend online:

"Everyone kicks people out of their lives from time to time, but those that stay in our lives, they are from God, treasure them."

Treasure them. Love that phrase. I treasure you people, I really do. :)

Waiting On This Dream

Wake me from this dream my friend
Starlit roses changing hands
But I don't think my heart would ever mend

She sings to me a lullaby
As in my heart I wave goodbye
I don't think that I could ever fly

Wasted days and wasted nights
Time to set the wrong things right
They tell me I can do it by my might

Secret councils in my ear
Secret whispers in my fears
Tell me Love that you will always hear

Life to life there is still time
Tell me walking is still fine
Waiting on this dream is no crime

Life to life there is still time
Tell me walking is still fine
Waiting on this dream is no crime

(First time I've composed a song with the tune in mind. :) )

when things fall into place...

finally, the end of a crazy week. it's such a nice thought, that this week is going to end with a caregroup meeting :)

yeah, alot has been happening. not all pleasant, not all stress-free, but it's nice because things are being resolved. it's like a small arc of the story of my life is in the process of being tied neatly up. like i'm finally going to where i'm supposed to be - at peace, at rest.

i'll right down the thought that was in my mind while driving just now:

things are falling into place :)

Pics from LTB community service thingie!

ok for those who don't know - we have a module called leadership and team building that's supposed to like teach team dynamics and leadership stuffs by throwing you into random groups and making u come up with a pretty big-scale community service project on your own - like find your own sponsorship for funds, find your own beneficiary etc etc... supposed to teach you conflict management too, which is why my group's TA was kinda unhappy to see that our group was completely conflict-free hahaha :D some pictures!





lots more stuff has been going on this week. really really packed week. shall update more soon :)