it's not just you
oh dear... it seems to be my desktop's turn to crash =/ i hope it's just overheated from being overused today and that it'll be fine when i try again later. the thought of losing all the memories in that comp... anyway,
my self-esteem has been getting really really low these days. i see the people around me changing, but i've just been stuck as myself. is it just me? maybe it applies to everyone my age, but the friends around me are changing... suddenly everyone is so... what's a good word... trendy? fashionable? suddenly everyone has amazing social lives and a million friends.
and here i am:
looking awful... i love my giodano. i love the plain look. i'm so happy looking plain and not being worried about what pattern is in fashion. if it were just me i'd stay in my old giodano and jeans my whole life. i don't care if it's old and fading. but who am i kidding? people are superficial, society is superficial, the world is looking at my appearance and shaking its head - this is a social misfit. not to mention that my attempt at looking better by keeping my hair longer seems to be falling flat. i dunno... i've always felt that it's the people who look beyond outward appearance that are worth being friends with... but i keep hearing from my own friends that people look at the outside. and then i look down at MY outside and i see a pile of trash. =/
non-existent social life... i see my friends changing. i'm not just referring to one person. is it cos of the transition from JC to uni? suddenly my friends have a million and one other friends, suddenly they've become 'in' and 'cool', suddenly everyone is a clubbing expert, suddenly everyone is a fashion expert. and here i am, the guy who doesn't know how to change, the one who's still at the start line wondering how everyone progressed so fast. i see my friends moving on, and i'm still clinging on to them and to the past.
is it just the people i mix with? i dunno... maybe people like me are just rare or something. what's your idea of a fun friday night out? you know what's mine? sitting somewhere with a close friend. that's all... the beach while the waves crash, a cafe while the rain falls outside, a bench where children play in a park... people who tell me, you want more friends ar? go out more lah! are just ignorant... i don't want more friends, i want more friendship. understand what i mean? if you don't... whatever. lol. whatever.
it's hard being like this.
you get close to someone, then he or she changes, moves on, and you can't cos you don't know how to change. or you have friends who are so energetic and want to go out and do stuff, and you just want to go to a nice quite place with him or her and chat... so of course your friends move on, find other people to hang out with. who wants to do boring stuff with a boring person?
seriously, who wants to hang out with a boring person? i'm not streetsmart, i don't enjoy partying, i like being in quiet places, my fashion sense is from the 1800s. tell me if you mind being caught dead with someone like me.
thanks for reading this far. at least you care enough about this boring person to read all the way here... i suspect there'll be peope who just read the first paragraph, and think that this post is about my computer. then again, who am i kidding? not many people read my blog anyway. gosh i'm seldom so honest about my sad feelings on this blog.
=(
6 comments:
you big fat toot i'm gonna come home in two weeks and smack your silly ass. there's nothing strange about the way you wanna spend your friday nights.. that's how i spend mine too even in college, believe it or not. and about not being social.. hrm i think that should change once you go to college. cos you'll be surrounded by more ppl who're just like you. and you'll live in a dorm where you can hang out with ppl 24/7 :) giordano shirts and jeans.. wellll. i'm not saying that dressing well doesn't help you look more appealing but. let's just say i just fell for a guy who regularly dresses like a bum. so giordano doesn't look all that bad after all does it? heh ;)
i think the best friday night outs are being around your brothers and sisters or just being out with your closest friend to connect, to click, to share God's love... not very different from yours :) I think something you have is something I'm striving for, and it's a gift from God not to be bothered about outward appearances but to deeply look within people; it's something that the world desperately needs nowadays. nothing's wrong with Giordano and jeans honestly, and especially in singapore I don't see what's very wrong with it. When it comes to clothes I think it's not so much the fashion that quite matters but the appropriateness of what you wear...' don't think giordano and jeans will quite work at a dinner function haha. of course different people have different standards of what is appropriate. So taking Romans 14 about vegetables and meat... everything is permissible just as long as you don't stumble or offend anyone with your dress-wear. but whatever it is, take heart papa, because God delights in the way you take appearances and character, since He looks at the heart of man not outward appearances (1 sam 16). how's that for Christ-likeness?
=)
eh, you.
me no like big crowds and socialising.
we go hang out somewhere off a tree.
*laugHz* i could compose a sad poem about hanging off a tree... like we're hanging off The Tree of Solitude and then the Winds of Society blows and we fall off the Tree onto the Grass of Reality haha!
thanks for your lovely comments, everyone :) at work now so i shouldn't take time away from my files to reply to individual comments... maybe later :)
hey,
we like u the way u are :)
talk to you soon and take care in the meantime!
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