been a while since i've felt that way

mmm, just back from a night with 2 of my dearest friends

you know those friends you've been with through so many ups and downs? friends you can totally be yourself with? friends who've seen so many sides of you?

the friends you've cried with and laughed with, friends who've helped you through life-changing times, friends you know will always be there for you, and friends for whom you've always been there...

after dinner z!ng told me that i looked like there was so much more i wanted to say... yeah, it's been a while since i've felt that way.

:)

p.s. on another note, i've decided to be evil and mysteriously tell all you people who are revelling in spreading the scandal, that you all have no clue at all :)

hehe

and introvert who enjoys company

when was the last time you felt lonely?

felt it just yesterday. i think i'm not used to studying at home anymore. when i'm in the library there's the hustle and bustle and background stuff going on, and there's the chance to find fellow school-studyers to talk to. but at home it's like. just me and my room. and anyway i keep getting distracted by the fridge.

strange huh? i'm someone who likes being alone, but i don't like to be alone :) an introvert who enjoys company. and did i mention i'm proud to be an introvert?

:D

looking up =)

got in to the semifinals of this singing competition in school :) sang a nice duet with d@wny =) i thought it wasn't that great 'cos i was nervous and zao xia-ed tho... *shrug*

and i've a little more motivation in the bowling department now that i know i can actually bowl decently using the spinner style :) too bad the bowling clinic is gonna end soon...

and first time at salsa clubs tonight! didn't dance much 'cos everyone else looked so pro and i didn't really feel like being an eyesore on the dance floor for everyone else considering that i've only had 2hrs worth of lessons. but looking at the gorgeous moves really made me wanna learn it well :) wednesday classes with the cousin (sorry i got so lost tonight!) and friday classes with the school :)

i wonder what other wonders tomorrow's archery class will bring :)

and all this is just in the CCAs department... we haven't started talking about studies, or the friends i've made...

life's been great... *restful joy*

forgetting...

ever felt that things would be easier if you could just forget everything?

going back...

"i am strong when i am on your shoulders"

it's been a while...

to put a smile on a face

just a thought: isn't it nice to know you made someone happy? i always feel really glad when i know i put a smile on someone's face by helping or just doing something nice for the person. it's a nice feeling... and i think i'm addicted to it. :D

just a little lonely

it's a little lonely at home tonight: my mom's overseas and my dad's still at work... i guess after 2 weeks of studying in the school library till late 'cos of my spoilt modem, i'm a little unused to being at home.

i think i'm gonna miss my mom alot. she's such a nice person to talk to and share with, we can talk about anything - from my life in smu, to advice for finding a wife (lol :D), to the business, to what's going on in her church, to things happening in the family. these three weeks without my mom is gonna be a bit sadder...

hmmm ok i've been lazing too much (and eating way too much) this evening. let's see: schedule for the rest of the night... readings, homework, 11.5km run, miscellaneous stuff on my to-do list... hope i can sleep early tonight lol

:)

friendship

there's something beautiful about friendship...

it can last through problems and trials, it is the acid test and the basis... give me a scandal or two, an attachment or breakup, and parties willing, friendship will endure. :)

i think it's so sad how many guys today see a pretty girl and start chasing her immediately. sometimes wonder if i'm the only guy left in the world who believes in taking time to get to know a person... it's just instinctive for me to take a step back, to wander to the sidelines when things get too complicated, and wait patiently for the situation to right itself. i'd rather fade into the background than compete for someone's attention...

i used to wonder if it was something wrong with me. maybe i'm not courageous enough, maybe i'm not thick-skinned enough to play the game... but i've slowly been realising that it's ok :) a friend just told me that that's one thing that makes me stand out from the rest. well... i guess. anyway i'm glad to be who i am :)

another thing...

you know, i just got back from a 3-day trekking trip that was really emotional, full of ups and downs and new people and experiences. but the most touching thing i experienced this weekend was a simple chat message i just received from a wonderful friend, thanking me for being someone she can really trust. you know how much that means to me? it means more than what tangible wealth can buy, it means more than these little emotional mini roller-coasters i've been in, it means the world to me, maybe more... just like our friendship means so much to me too :) thank you for everything... :)

goodnight

100th :)

the unknown beach :)

few things are nicer than lying on the beach with a friend... and talking for hours...



thanks... :)

hmmm my 100th post is coming up soon. wonder what i'll write... another story? or an update on how my life has been? i realise i haven't been recording all these wonderful times i've been having these few weeks... hmmm time to start writing in my journal again maybe :)

what's my perfect major? :D

cute "what is your perfect major" quiz!

You scored as Mathematics. You should be a Math major! Like Pythagoras, you are analytical, rational, and when are always ready to tackle the problem head-on! Mathematics 92% Journalism 75% Linguistics 67% Dance 67% Art 67% Philosophy 67% Psychology 58% English 58% Engineering 42% Theater 25% Anthropology 17% Sociology 17% Chemistry 8% Biology 0% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

lol... chemistry and biology are my last 2....

agony and ecstacy

2005: 2hrs 33mins
2006: 2hrs 10mins

:)

hmmm i wonder what i should do next... look out for a (mini) triathlon? the full marathon in december? a shift to strength training?

on games and friends and contradictoriness

just writing some stuff on my mind while taking a break from studying :)hmmm i haven't written a poem or story for some time... well maybe another time :)

so I've uninstalled all the games from my laptop because I got sick of killing some random shapes on the screen instead of doing other important stuff - stuff like studying, chatting online with friends... *real life* stuff.

but it got me thinking... i think we guys play games because there is not enough in real life, because a world inside the computer can be more interesting and fun.

real life... what makes real life real to you?

for me, it's the friendships, people, relationships that are so dear. it's interesting... i'm an introvert that likes to live inside my own mind, but i often find myself crying out for a close friend or two. i'm an introvert that doesn't like being alone :) i'm a telephonophobic that loves talking to close friends, i'm afraid of crowds and noises but i want to spend time with people.

yes, it's difficult to balance...

talking about the telephone, yeah i have a slight phobia of it - ask me why another time heh... and it's difficult because i love talking to close friends, and my net connection has been so bad that chatting online can be difficult. i can want to talk to someone badly, but take very very long, or never, to get down to calling the person.

yup, i'm kinda contradictory :)

ever felt like there's so much more you want to write but didn't have the words for it? goodnight...

friendships and friend

sometimes friendships are like MSN convoes... you're forced to choose who to chat with because there's no way you can keep up meaningful conversations with ten people at the same time. and for the first time in a long time, you're feeling sad that you have to give up time for certain friends, to be with other friends.

you know what's nice? spending a whole day with a friend. even if it's spent running around school, nearly falling asleep listening to ipod music while waiting for your laptop to be upgraded, 'finding' the wrong room, tripping over my own foot and nearly crashing into the railing, what really makes a day magical is the friend you spend it with.

:)

stutterer starts school

i received a package from uchicago two days ago. one of the admin departments must have forgotten that i've turned their offer down, and sent me a big "welcome" package... i made me feel emotional - full of memories. this year has been a long, convulated, tear-stained route to where i am now...

i guess i should be afraid right now. tomorrow's the start of the the term of a school that emphasizes speaking, and working on projects with complete strangers... talking was never my forte. i know that my life would have been very, very different were i not a stutterer, but nevertheless here i am now, scarred by the embarrassments of the past, but still content with who i am.

but strangely i'm not that afraid; i'm looking forward to it, in fact... i don't really know why, yet :)

yesterday's convo was so full of LIFE. it was like a showcase of the talents of the senior students... if i took away anything from it, it would be that i want my life in uni to be full - i want to DO things, to experience things i've never done before, and to do stuff i've always wanted to do. i want to make great, lasting friendships that go beyond work and CCAs...

look at this life: studious prefect in primary school (i can't even remember what CCA i was in then), just plain weird in lower secondary (some of you may know the story), studious top-of-the-class chess club member in upper secondary... at least things got a lot better in JC - it was then that i found my closest friends and made the most of what talents if have :)

how will uni life be like? i don't know, and i'm leaving it to God. i'm really happy in fact. somehow i've been kind of simply drifting along when it comes to university stuff... things always work out for our good...

where will i be four years from now...? we'll see.

a people ruled by love

i want to be a loving person :)

so i was really, really sleepy during bible study tonight 'cos i only slept for 1 hour the night before. the sermon was really good and really deep, but it was some stuff pastor mentioned towards the end that got me moved:

that christians should be a people ruled by love.

if you take a step back and look into the heart of the matter you'll realise that all the petty quarrels and striving to be the best and trying to elevate oneself above another are so meaningless, and that there is so much more joy to be found in living in love. not that i've achieved it, but it's a truth i sometimes forget.

Dear God, mould me into a loving person :)

wishing you bluebirds...

my heart has been saying goodbye alot...

one of the biggest dreams i've had has passed on, and i find my heart shielding itself from the memory of the dream whenever it crosses my mind. it's as if my heart can't take the pain of losing it.

and that's just dreams - friendships are even more precious, and it's these weeks, months, years, when friends fly off or change school or move on, and new cliques are formed.

sure, change is inevitable. i'm experiencing that, too: a whole new dream, new experiences, wonderful new groups of friends. but something has been striking me a lot these weeks: that the old matters so much more.

what is the point of making a new friend if i have to do it at the expense of an old one?

and when was the last time you felt lonely while spending time with friends you thought were close?

come walk with me...

really, the world's moving fast enough already, we don't have to contribute more to its speed :)

yknow it's such a blessing to realise that it's perfectly ok to go through life at your own pace. it's too easy to look at the pace of the rest of the world and wonder why you're lagging behind, but really, there's no point trying to follow others when it's not 'you'...

went out with a dear friend today for the first time in months... it's so nice to meet an old friend and finding that you two can still click very well after all that time :) oh and the movie "Click" joined the list of movies that have made me cry... very touching movie.

someday i'll fly away...

ever sat down and told yourself that there is something deeply wrong with the world?

ever felt your mind brimming with too much, too compicated, too deep thoughts that you feel the only way to share what you feel is by literally connecting your mind with someone else?

and deeper than all this lies the paradox: there is so much depth inside that cannot be expressed, that causes so much turbulence and turmoil, and often worry and pain; but i would not give up a mind like this for the world.

while you have your exciting, crazy, adventurous life, i have the depths of my mind to plunge in and explore and mull.

recently i've had a strong, strong, feeling of inadequacy. but who cares? i know.

when you're so glad you stayed to chat...

so i took 4 hours to pack for tomorrow's camp because i was chatting with people online. no regrets at all.

"sam, no sorrys btw friends." thanks... this meant so much. when you know you have a friend that accepts you, and is willing to listen even when all you're doing is faxie-ing. and after a pretty emotional evening on msn, chatting with lots of people about alot of complicated / exciting / emotional stuff, this one line just reminded me that in the end, real friendship is so steadfast and strong and accepting. real friendship is one of the things in the world that doesn't die easily...

the other things is something a friend helped me remember - something i've always known but have forgotten: "i'd rather take my time to get to know someone than rush into something just because everyone's rushing." it's so true. why rush just because everyone's rushing too? the Christian life is all about relaxing in His peace. :)

you know what? i'm missing so many people. it's a bittersweet feeling... and strange too, that i can be in the same country as a friend but feel like i'm on the other side of the world... things are changing, my heart.

*off to camp for the next 3 days... goodnight*

dreamy islands...

fun times...










so tell me:

what happens in the real life between magical moments? the times you don't see in movies - when the hero is brushing his teeth, or sitting in front of his laptop checking his e-mail. in a life that has almost forgotten the magic of beautiful memories, wonderful moments can seem so much more real. they are like treasure islands scattered throughout a huge ocean, and it is all you can do to keep yourself from doing nothing but swimming, swimming, and looking, doing nothing but seeking the next shore.

it's scary.